The following is an article I was commissioned to write.
Underneath that you'll find the response for the editor.

Hehehe, I can write whatever I want for "....." magazine. That's like giving a bottle of whiskey and the car keys to a teenager. My initial thought has been a deliberation on my supposedly excessive masturbation habits (my therapist and I are still arguing what constitutes "excessive". We differ by a large margin). But I won't do that because it is exactly what everybody would expect. Also, that publication is more about ways to get some pussy than about how to play with your cock'n balls. Therefore I want to introduce to you a different approach to the basic theme:

Why I've got pussy liberated.

My name is "The Shy Stick Insect Hunter" and I am an artist. Like any good artist I spent most of my life chasing pussy. You can't imagine all the stupid things I used to do just to get my rocks off. Anything I did or had planed to do was being guided by getting my hands and/or another well-trained part of my body in touch with some pussy. My whole life revolved around my attempts to stick that pathetic little dick of mine into some female receptor. Do you have any idea what that little fucker has cost me so far? I could have bought a real nice car with all that "pussy saved" money. Ironically if you don't need pussy you don't need no fancy car either because the only reason you have a fancy car for is for you to get some more pussy. If I would have tied my tubes before puberty I even could have had a house in the suburbs by now as well. But who needs a house in the suburbs? You only buy a house in the suburbs to please some pussy. Men don't need houses in suburbs. For all I care I could live in a cave as long there is a TV and a fridge full of beer. Being pussy liberated, there is also no need to get married since you are not one of those desperate hormone carriers who need constant pussy even if it means working the same old, left-over pussy again and again. Getting married is no guaranty that you'll get your desperately needed relief. Don't forget there is still PMS and migraine to deal with and let's not even mention what happens if your "pussy pleasing funds" should run low.

I am done with all of this.
I had it and I don't need no pussy no more.
I am donated my testosterone to hormone therapies for elderly Afghani women. I am pussy liberated.
You could put a nice big juicy pussy right in front of my face and I would see right through it.
The best part of it, besides all the money I safe, is how I can suddenly again notice all the beautiful things around me. Since I am not busy anymore constantly checking out titties and asses I can focus on being an artist, see beauty and document it. I also found out that women are actually real people.

So here is my advice to you. Cut your balls off before you fall under the spell. Once you tasted pussy, it is probably too late. You have to be watchful of the ladies though. Never show them that you are pussy liberated. Ladies don't like it if you don't pay any attention to them. Once they figure out that they lost their spell they can get pretty nasty.
But hey, at least then they can't bust your balls anymore. :-)

The editor :

Sorry, Andy. I may not have made myself very clear because there isn't a snowball's chance in hell  "....." magazine can publish your article.
See, we're Opus Dei-owned! Any reference to "pussy" or "dick" will inspire moves to have me excommunicated. Could you whip something a bit tamer up?
Maybe a sort of autobiography about "how a German ends up in Manila and becomes a full-time artist after a career in advertising" kinda thing.
You still have a lot of leeway in writing this but, please, easy on the sex.
It would shock the higher-ups in my company into offering novenas for me.
My apologies again for not being more precise earlier.
I suppose when I said to make it irreverent I didn't expect it to be so...um...irreverent.

And my response:

Dear V,

No worries, I can still use the article for my website.
Ok, I will whip up something tamer but I will blame you that I won't make it again to the gym today because of that. So when I get fat it's your fault :-)
I have still to figure out how to write something without using the essential words like "pussy, dick and masturbation". For me it would be easier to go without "and, but, and the"

Andy